Overwhelmed.

A month passed by in the blink of an eye, it felt like just yesterday we started our chest & neurology rounds, fussing about around the department looking at different cases & stories each one of its kind, with increasing loads of information demanding attention from day to day.

And finally today, these two subjects that I’ve grown fond of ended. Chest department ended its rounds with an MCQ & OSCE last Thursday, while neurology ended its clinical rounds with also an MCQ & oro-clinical exams earlier today, both with quite a happy ending considering the worry and nerves we’ve spent on these crazy subjects.

It’s been a great experience, the doctors & professors were wonderful & highly unique, they were each brilliant yet amazingly humble & kind, taught me that there is so much more to life & different ways in achieving our dreams, that if you wanted something hard enough, the world would really give you a chance to pursue them, made me feel like not a complete idiot for once. I will survive this, we will all survive this.

All tools set & ready for our neurology clinical exam! Yes, including the perfume haha.

Neurology clinical class: chalks & blackboard! Been long time since I've seen this!

Oh on a random note… I by chance had this lovely chitchat with a nice Filipino lady I met at the supermarket today who was accompanied by her Arab husband & what looked like a 5-year-old son. They recently moved here after previously working in Dubai, even promoted her to visit Alexandria due to its beauty! It was delightful to know that we both agree on the fact that people everywhere are the same; that there’s good people & bad people, her people, mine, & this foreign country we’re living in. 

No race or a group of people is better or superior than the other. We’re all made the same, & everyone is equally responsible in working hard in making the best out of ourselves, for a better person, for a better world.

Anxious.

I am so relieved that we’re finally done with our Pediatrics clinical round exams (that was initially scheduled for February) after months of postponement. It was different from the exams we had in the years before – in addition to the usual MCQs & spot pictures, this time we had to diagnose, talk to & examine patients with our own hands (& I had the ‘best’ luck of getting a strict veteran doctor who tortured me with endless detailed theoretical questions while I was actually examining the patient & he went on & on waiting for me to run out of answers, & was finally saved after the next student came for her turn!), & experienced firsthand what it was like filling in an actual triage-like forms (IMCI) that was half in Arabic, though the main challenge would be to not mistakenly place a child in a non-danger zone when he actually is one.

It was a great experience & I am still pretty excited about it; made me think a lot about the actual work I’ll be doing in the next few years. The fear of getting wrong amplifies, to scrutinize every theory & scenario possible has gotten to a whole new level, & the need of perfection that I’ve been trying to suppress my whole life is no longer containable… which can only mean, I’m about to become even more difficult & unpleasant & bitchy in the near future (heheh!). I am excited, I am terrified!

My most favorite child from our days in Mubarak Pediatric Hospital. I call him Meshi-boy because he was just starting to talk then & he was obsessed with the words ‘meshi’ & ‘wahda’! It was the most memorable complete recovered case of a Guillain–Barré syndrome. The most adorable child I’ve ever met!

So, tomorrow… a new chapter of Special Medicine begins, which I expect would be a whole lot more interesting & captivating compared to the super dull General Medicine we’ve been having for the past few months. I’m looking forward to seeing unique neurological symptoms & bizarre dermatological cases! Fingers crossed for whatever’s coming!

Confused.

A week back in this awful place and I’ve lost my ability to hold decent conversations and proper utterance with people. My reasonable traits for tolerance towards annoying sounds and despicable behavior of people have massively decreased (which greatly endangers the life threatened); however am totally not offended by what should be offensive smells (well, at least according to our doctor) in some cases in the hospital and these rare clutters in this room of mine.

Earlier today I accidentally scratched my skin on some rusty nail that came out of nowhere and the first thing I thought of was whether I’ve completed my tetanus immunizations and tried to mentally locate which of the nearest ER will have tetanus shots in store in case anything went wrong. I then washed and soaped the wound meticulously, and almost bandaged what was a superficial wound. God help me I’m turning into a freak. 

Am so feeling Radiohead’s Creep.

Cuti Perang.

“The love of a family is life's greatest blessing” - Unknown.

Hello people! Guess what? I’m back in Kota Kinabalu! As always, it’s good to be home, surrounded by amazing family and friends! The weather’s good, food’s heaven! Was forced to leave Egypt after only three months being there (which honestly felt ages btw), due to current unrest that has taken over the country.

The sights haven’t been exactly pretty the last few days we were there, tanks and armies everywhere, burnt cars at the roadsides with burnt buildings, internet and phone lines were disrupted, ATM systems down, prices hikes, unwanted saboteurs & etc… everybody’s stressed and worried, spirits were broken at some point, but that’s nothing compared to those who died of hunger or war, so I guess we’re good, totally overwhelmed and thankful to be home.

We have yet to receive any news on when we’ll really be going back, not that I’m looking forward to it anyway, so much can be done here too if only you’re willing to find the way and move your ass instead of complaining and whining endlessly, showing off on how worried you are of the classes that you don’t even go to, on exams that you don’t even put much effort on and even cheat on (!), so ungrateful of everything that’s been done for you! And then later when you have to go back you’d be all ‘awhh… I don’t wanna go back, I’mma miss my family & my home & bla bla bla..’.

Okay really, I got a bit carried away in that last part… just sick and tired of some of these kids’ pretenses, it’s repulsing. And seriously, most of our universities don’t even have attendance or what I think people call as ‘credit hour’, the mid-terms barely reach 10% of the total marks too, it’s the finals that are really important. Everybody’s worried, everybody’s got something to lose, but that doesn’t mean we have to rush in everything. Chill a bit and let things work out fine first, it’s not like it’s the end of the world, things are gonna be okay, just give it time a little. Spend time with your families and loved ones.

So anyways! Twelve days here had been awesome. Great news just kept on coming in including a friend’s pregnancy, I was so happy and relieved for you could not imagine the things they’ve been through, after all these years, after all the stressful times we had dealing with superior conspiracies and innocent children (haha), this child truly is a blessing, a child of war! I could not even imagine how these couple and their families must feel. The momma said I’m gonna be the ‘glamour aunty’, don’t even know why’s that, just too excited to even ask why haha! Sincerely wishing that everything’s going to run just fine for them, and the baby!

A friend’s elder sister recently got married to her high school sweetheart too, after 14 years of love and friendship, it truly is inspirational and a story worth telling for it’s rare and almost impossible for most people, been great growing up to their stories; I wish nothing but the best and that they’d last forever!

Okay I think that’s it for now, I have rambled enough. And oh yeah one more thing, I’ve applied for another session of elective posting in QEH starting next Monday, don’t even know if I’d be able to finish everything as scheduled seeing that we’re on a pending status here; I’d just have to go with it and hope for nothing but the best!

Be safe everyone and stay away from the Middle East haha!

Leaving for Doha. Cairo Airport, sundown. 8th Feb '11.

I'm lucky that way.

Seven years ago, I told my dad that I wanted to be an Electrical Engineer, was so hyped bout it that I got brochures on course specifications and twinning programs; both mom and dad encouraged.

A year later, I told my parents that I wanted to continue my studies in Nuclear Physics instead and was searching for local universities that offered such course, mom almost fainted, but both supported nonetheless.

Right after SPM, I dragged my best friend into doing a research on local universities that offers a degree in Social Science, planned to get good results in matriculation so I’d get to choose the course I wanted. Papa said with a degree like that it’d be quite easy to get a job anywhere since every company would use one, might find your way into embassies too especially when I planned to major in cultures and linguistics. (Back then I had this ridiculous illusion that I was good with languages!)

Few months into 2006, I was offered to do medicine in Egypt, something I never planned or dreamt of, being a child as I was, I had no idea what Egypt's like! So there I sought my parents to what they think. Mom told me a story where she regretted turning down an oversea offer to further her studies when she was twelve, and dad being dad, ‘whatever you choose my dear, as long as you’re happy’.

Two years into medicine I told my parents that I wanted to specialize in Obstetrics & Gynecology later on, preferably somewhere in the UK, wouldn’t mind doing it in Egypt anyway, moving to a new city and different university would just do the trick! Just two years later, I then changed my plans, wanted to further my studies and skills in Malaysia instead, back home in Sabah (apparently our O&G hospital is the best in Malaysia!). Papa and mama were glad that I was happy with what I’m doing.

Three years later, I fell in love with the nature of Trauma/Emergency and Accidents, planned on being a trauma surgeon, and earlier today I told my parents that I’ve fallen in love with this amazing university hospital in Germany and planned (in God’s will, of course) to do my specializations there. Mom was ecstatic, and dad briefed me on how he applied for his masters and scholarships. They somehow believed that I’d find some way around the fact that none of the medical institutions in Germany is approved by the KKM (Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia). Almost felt like I had superpowers or something there.

I was deep in my thoughts about to doze off just moments ago when it hit me that my family would even support me if I told them that I’d like to suddenly change path and live on the moon later on! (Not that I have an astronaut’s brains).

I can basically be and do whatever I want; nobody’s limiting me except for myself. I turned twenty-two about a month ago, and I’m in this phase where I feel like I want to be everything, like I want to save everything! Who knows, by the time I graduate I might want to be a cardiac surgeon instead, or get into managements, or do business! 

My plans are as unpredictable as the weather, but these are the days, those few moments of rare realization; I’m truly thankful and blessed that I was born as my parents’ daughter – I’m lucky that way. They rock, seriously.

Just, bothered.

Met a seven year old girl who had a chronic renal failure yesterday, yes I said that right, chronic. Aside from her bit jaundice look & a little small in size for a seven year old, I can say that she looked pretty well & healthy, talking, smiling, laughing and walking.

She initially had a rare case of congenital bilateral obstructive defect of her renal pelvis, undergone her first surgery to correct her condition when she was only 3 months old in which the condition returned some months after her surgery, and had another 6 surgeries after that, just to correct a condition that seems to never want to leave, weakening her kidneys every time, that it finally gave up after seven years.

She is now living in the wards, receiving medical & supportive treatments, dialysis and whatever it is they could do to keep her alive, everything, except for the one perfect solution – a cadaveric kidney transplant, which is unfortunately illegal in Egypt.

A living familial donor on the other hand is legal though, but how can a living man ever donate a heart valve to his brother? How on earth a mother could ever donate one of her kidney to her child whose abdomen is half her size, vessels half the kidney’s size – the large kidney itself would just drain the child’s circulating blood!

This was surprising, considering how brilliant (and I mean, really, like the most brilliant people on Earth!) the Egyptian doctors are; even their talent & skills are limited by the country’s ridiculous old beliefs & oppressing somewhat extreme caste system, where the rich are extremely rich, and the poor are extremely poor. ‘Tales’ are, the extremely rich people might kill the poor to get his organs, legal death aside, and control life as he pleases, while the poor will NEVER see a new organ when he desperately needs it till his death. Ethical issues, that leads to illegal problems indirectly.

While the above matter already sound stupid, many others still cling on ‘miracles’, preserving the organs of the dead in his rightful body just in case one day the dead might come back to life, oh my God what a miracle!!

Yes I do realize that there might be some religious issues somewhere in here too, the thing that’s making it an ‘ethical issue’ instead of really ‘illegal’, a matter where I honestly have little knowledge of, maybe they could uphold better arguments on to why cadaveric organ transplantation is opposed. 

But for now, it seems like nothing could be changed unless the system’s first fixed, then only can education follows and of course, medical advancement can finally take place.